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ATC Humor

Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 8:52 pm
by Honey Badger
Post up funny clips taken from ATC comms. My example: The Confused Ground Controller.

Re: ATC Homour

Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 10:03 pm
by Taskforce 58
JFK ground: "You guys should come up here one day, you'd enjoy the show."

:lol:

Re: ATC Homour

Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 10:05 pm
by Gunny
That poor sob must have gone home bald after pulling all his hair out during that cluster fk. :lol:

Re: ATC Homour

Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 11:23 pm
by Honey Badger
At least he took it well, huh? :D

Re: ATC Homour

Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2011 12:32 am
by jetskit
[youtube/]watch?v=u4DRboJPTJQ&feature=BFa&list=FLqvOgbtLNkGr3IJj7OdHZFQ&lf=mh_lolz[/youtube]

Iknow its long but its so funny .... the rest is english

Re: ATC Homour

Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2011 1:08 am
by Honey Badger
Fixing the link.

Re: ATC Humour

Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2011 3:40 am
by Shutter
"humor" man, "humor" :lol:

Anyways, I chuckled a fair bit at the first one. Thanks for sharing aragorn.

Re: ATC Humor

Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 6:11 pm
by halberdier25

Re: ATC Humor

Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 7:02 pm
by Honey Badger
Very nice. :lol:

Re: ATC Humor

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 2:50 am
by halberdier25
Image

Not mine.

Re: ATC Humor

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 2:53 am
by Honey Badger

Re: ATC Humor

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 3:25 am
by Taskforce 58
Repeat posting, used to be on YSP:

Heard on ATIS: ""...on contact inform radio and center you have information Quebec." <slight pause, then different voice, clear as a bell> "What the f*ck does RTO mean?!?!"
Played for an hour or so until ATIS Romeo replaced it.
******
A few years ago at Winnipeg, a PA31 coming in from the north to land at WEG, and a tornado touched down about 40 miles N of the airport.

PA31: "...uh, and we're going to have to deviate quite a bit west of course to keep clear of this cell".
ATC: "Diversions west of course approved, advise when able direct the field"
PA31: "Thanks. Boy does it look ugly off to our left"
ATC: "You should see the guy sitting next to me"
******
"Center N1234, do you have the latest weather in Goose Bay?"
"Sure, Goose 12 zulu weather, winds 340 @ 15G25 temperature -37 Dewpoint -39 etc..."
"Ok roger, guess it sucks to be me for forgetting my jacket in dispatch back in Tampa"
******
Center: "Speedbird 123 traffic your twelve o'clock, 20 miles, 1000' above is a Boeing 747, 1000' below is a Airbus 340 both Air France"
BAW123: "Ahh Speedbird123 roger traffic in sight.... center is this what you call a frog sandwich?"
******
FABL a DHC2 on amphibs doing circuits.

FABL: "Radio, ALPHA BRAVO LEMUR Final RWY 29"
FSS: "ALPHA BRAVO LIMA roger"
FABL: Radio, ALPHA BRAVO LEMUR Final RWY 29"
FSS: "ALPHA BRAVO LIMA ROGER"
...continues for a few more circuits when there is a position handover to a 35 year very grumpy Specialist
FABL: "Radio, ALPHA BRAVO LEMUR Final"
FSS: "ALPHA BRAVO LIMA ROGER, I SAY AGAIN, ALPHA BRAVO LIMA, IT IS PRONOUNCED LIMA, NOT LEMUR, A LEMUR IS A RING TAILED MONKEY FROM MADAGASGAR!"
FABL: "............uh, roger."
******
Sequencing a flight coming into Vancouver:

YVR Center: "ACA101 for sequencing reduce to Mach .76 or less."
ACA101 (pause) "Ahh Center we are already behind schedule and need to make our gate time. We would like to keep the speed up."
YVR Center – "ACA101 roger, you pick your speed and then I’ll pick your heading."
ACA101: "Roger Mach .76 or less".
******
(Doom02 is the call sign for a USAF B-52)
Doom02: "Moncton Center, we're requesting FL350."
YQM Center: "Doom2, climb FL350."
YQM data controller in background "what? you're going to have to move three guys to make that work?!"
YQM radar: "I'm not saying 'no' to a guy who carries nukes, calls himself "DOOM" and happens to be overhead."

(The data controller is another controller whose job is to help out the current duty controller by working the data board so the main guy can concentrate on the radar)
******
Student pilot in a C172: "tower Cessna GABC requesting take off" (with a 757 on 1/2 mile final)
Tower: "Cessna ABC look to your left, decide how lucky you feel and ask me that again."
ABC: "Tower... we... uh... we'll wait."
Tower: "Thought you might."
******
A westbound flight, arriving at Calgary from east of the airport.
YYC terminal: "...and reduce speed to 160 knots for traffic."
Pilot: "Terminal we'd like to keep our speed up please."
YYC: "160 - knots or heading. Your choice."
******
AAL 747 after a long flight over the Pacific, JFK bound, checking in with YVR center:
"Any chance of a more direct routing? My wife is planning on getting pregnant later today and I am hoping to be there for it."
******
Vancouver Tower to a Traffic Patrol Helicopter:

Twr: "Helicopter FABC, Traffic is a Shorts 360, short Final Runway 26 and A Beaver turning final for the Water, cleared to land Avitat ramp."
Helicopter: "Roger I have the Shorts down low and the Beaver in sight."
******
"ACA123, Center. Confirm your aircraft type is A330 or A340?"
"Center, ACA123 is A340"
"Well then ACA123 turn on the other two engines and give me a thousand per minute!"
******
"Terminal, DAL123 can we have 8 miles between us and our traffic at our 12?
"DAL123 you can have 8 miles, but there will be an United 737 between you and the other guy."
******
"Speedbird 11 for traffic reduce speed to 210."
"Ah, arrival we would like to keep our speed up at 250. Speedbird 11"
"Well Speedbird 11 in that case for traffic turn right 60 degrees."
"...back to 210 knots, Speedbird 11."
******
"Arrival, SWA 765, my first officer says he has the airport in sight."
"OK your first officer is cleared for a visual approach on rwy 18 right. SWA 765 you continue on that 360 heading, descend and maintain 3000 feet."
******
"Citation 65 Lima, Arrival. I'll stop calling you twin Cessna when you stop calling me Center."
******
"Terminal, confirm our position in the pattern?"
"AmTran 345 by the time you land you will be no.1 !"
******
(This one was at Sault Ste.Marie airport CYAM. Wind is calm, weather is clear, but it snowed heavily the day before. CYAM is usually nicked named "The Zoo". There are two runways, 04/22 and 12/30 which is the main one.)
"Zoo ground, Cessna GHSR requesting taxi to active"
"Cessna GHSR Zoo ground, active runway is 30. Wind is calm, altimeter 29.95, taxi via Alpha, Echo into position and hold."
"Ground, HSR would like rwy 12 if it is plowed."
"HSR rwy 12 is not plowed but rwy 30 is!"
"...ahh...OK... Taxi Alpha, Echo to rwy 30 and hold. HSR."
******
ATC: ' Alitalia 345 continue taxi to 26L South via Tango - check for workers along taxiway.'
Al Italia 345: 'Roger, Taxi 26 Left a via Tango. Workers checked - all are working'
******
Nova 851: "Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10,000, requesting runway 15."
YHZ Terminal (female): "Nova 851, Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks. Expect runway 06."

(This one might actually be real, as a long time ago I've heard one of my ATC instructor commented "...I think I know who she is..." when he heard that joke. He used to work in Moncton Center where YHZ terminal is one of the position)
******

Re: ATC Humor

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:13 am
by Crazypilot
MOUSE IN COCKPIT
CAT INSTALLED
lmfao

Re: ATC Humor

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 3:11 pm
by halberdier25
Crazypilot wrote:MOUSE IN COCKPIT
CAT INSTALLED
lmfao
That's maintenance.

Re: ATC Humor

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 3:15 pm
by Crazypilot
Yeah but it's a bit related to ATC because there both about airplanes and their from the same video.

Re: ATC Humor

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 3:17 pm
by Phoenix
I think we all need to read this again:
http://inthestall.blogspot.com/

Re: ATC Humor

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 3:38 pm
by Taskforce 58
Crazypilot wrote:Yeah but it's a bit related to ATC because there both about airplanes and their from the same video.
No it's not.

Re: ATC Humor

Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2011 2:34 am
by halberdier25

Re: ATC Humor

Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2011 3:27 am
by Taskforce 58
halberdier25 wrote:Sully Skiles Approach Plate
Saved in my computer now! Love the "fix" names, and ETOPS = Engines Turning or People Swimming.

:lol:

Re: ATC Humor

Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2011 11:58 am
by GimiGlider
I've got a funny atc too! Only this happened on captain Ys's server...
Bernholm: Hello, Hachinohe atc, can I land?
GimiGlider_atc: Bernholm, you don't say it like that!
GimiGlider_atc: Let's use the callsign gulf tango fox as an example.
GimiGlider_atc: For example, The is gulf tango fox heavy to Hachinohe atc, requesting landing at runway 25, over.
Bernholm: Yo atc, can I get a landing spot here, plz?
GimiGlider_atc: #&[email protected]! (aka expletive)
GimiGlider_atc = me!
Bernholm = A friend of mines
XD, he didn't learn anything...and then he crashed while landing...

Real life: (I saw someone like this, and I thought it was funny too, so I decided post it here)