I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for my signature, I can tell you I don't have one. But what I do have are a very particular lack of skills, skills I have imagined having over a very long career. Skills that make me are completely useless in any situation. If you stop reading now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't stop reading, I will look for you, I will probably not find you, and I will kill your refrigerator.